All’s quiet on the western front

19 03 2010

Maybe this research on Daniel Boone is getting to me.  Although I haven’t  heard that phrase in a long time, it came to my mind easily this day.  It’s quiet in the house.  I can actually hear birds in this concrete world we’ve created (so sometimes I can block out the factory sounds from nearby, the constant hum of the interstate and the heavy machinery making the road wider so all those people who are going nowhere in a hurry can do so without runnng over each other).  Sarcasm?  Who me?

So I can hear the birds this morning.  The house isn’t technically any quieter, but I guess I’m just more in tune to their chirpings this morning.  Maybe the coffee is working faster??  Who knows.

Anyway.  Last night I had to confess to my husband that I am in love with another man.  He took it well, only smirking at me.  I think he has suspected it for years.  I have 52 copies of the same picture of him that I treasure openly, and I have talked about him many, many times past the point where others wanted to listen.  In truth, though, I think that I could not be a good match for Daniel – he stayed gone from home way too much.  I am too demanding for that!  Not that I’m difficult, I just need lots of quality time in order to be happy in a relationship.  Rebecca was a strong, strong woman.  <sigh>  He is wonderful, though.

Spring “Break” has come to an end for me, as today is the last day.  I hope I can finish up my paper today, and I’m trying not to dwell on the fact that I have another paper due in a month, and no “break” to do it in.  I suspect the topic won’t be so romantic, either….a psychological disorder.  That should do plenty to bring me back to the 21st century.

I must get started, and I think I may try playing some of that classical music I’ve depended on to help me fall asleep this stressful week.  Just real low in the background.  Maybe that will be nice, now that I’m hearing the factory and that darn dozer – or whatever it is!

Peeling back the eyelids

21 10 2008

For some reason today I am constantly peeling back the eyelids!  They are quite heavy, without provocation.  Ok, so maybe I didn’t sleep so well, but I do so hate not feeling 100%, no matter what the reason.  The alarm went off at 6am and I pushed the little button to shut it up and just groaned inside.  How can it possibly be morning already?  I don’t want to have today yet!!  After several minutes, my dh groans and rolls into me…I know it’s fake!  He just wants my feet on the floor so he can indgulge in the hot breakfast that he gets when I get up!!  Of course, that doesn’t help, and I defiantly lie still – ’cause I know he’ll give away the fact that he really is awake, since he has NO patience, and he likes a hot breakfast.  I could still hear the water running, so I knew I had a bit of time to kill, since my son was still in the shower and my cooking a few minutes late didn’t cause him to still be in the shower when he’s normally out.  I had only to wait about one full minute when my husband’s arm reaches around to check whether I’m still in the bed, and his hand finds my face.  Now I’m grumpy!  “What in the world are you doing?”  I hiss.  He tries to sound half-asleep when he answers innocently that he just heard my alarm several minutes ago and was concerned that I wasn’t up to make our son breakfast. (HIS breakfast – I know the truth!)  I swung my feet to the floor and curtly replied, “I’m up now.”  and plodded out of the room, passing the still closed bathroom door, proving that my slowness isn’t holding anyone up.  Of course, before the skillet was even hot, the guilt hit me.  I have not made hot breakfasts for my dh on a regular basis since the first child was born – 15 years ago!  He loves the fact that I’ve been doing so since this child started public school in August (at least on week days ;).  He loves it so much that he overlooks the fact that I’m really doing it for our son – and he just happens to benefit, too.  I suppose I was just irritated that it never occurs to him that he could cook breakfast for the two of them once in awhile, and since I was up a lot last night, this morning would’ve been a great day for him to offer.  I found out later that he slept so soundly that he never knew I was up at all.  I guess I’m glad I didn’t disturb him, but part of me would’ve liked the chivalrous, “I’ll stay up with you since you can’t sleep.” part of him to appear in the night 🙂 

Since I was fully awake, and just knew that there was no chance of my being able to fall back to sleep if I tried, I didn’t bother.  I went ahead and made myself and my daughter breakfast as well, and turned on the radio to wake her up (the speakers are in every room).  So we got an early start to the day, and maybe if we manage to hike tonight, I’ll be too tired not to sleep well tonight!

And now you know how much of a morning person I’m not 😉 and yes, I did apologize.  Twice.

I wanna elope!

16 08 2008

Ok, so the stress in my current life situation has caused me to lose it!  Ever have a feeling/desire that doesn’t make sense?  As I changed into my PJs for the night (at 8pm- go ahead, laugh yer butt off – but you’ll think of me some day when you do the same thing), I had this fleeting thought that I wish my husband and I could elope.  We’ve been happily married for over 18 years, so I don’t know where the goofy thought came from.  I grinned at myself and thought about how stupid and senseless that thought was, and then I began wondering why my brain came up with that.  I think I know.  Try to stay with me 🙂

So my honey came home last Friday at noon to spend half a day with us before leaving the next morning for a business trip, and as he packed some files and checked his laptop bag for all those things that it needs, he looked up at me and said, “I wish you were going with me.” as I walked by with a stack of laundry to put away.  I stopped and replied that I would love to go, and I saw that look in his eyes that tells me he’s cooking up something in his head.  He then told me that he had hated to ask his mom to come stay with the kids for this trip because she had moved recently, but that she might just want a break, and that he was just going to call and see.  I went back to the laundry and waited to see what he’d work out.  An hour later, he was leaving to drive an hour and a half one way to meet his step-dad and pick her up, and I was headed to soccer practice with our daughter and a billion things that needed to be done running through my fuzzy brain.  I was both thrilled and overwhelmed.  I couldn’t leave my house a mess, and I couldn’t leave my daughter at her first practice to go home and work, either.  I used the hour to organize in my brain what actually needed doing and what could wait.  After practice, I went home and packed, cleaned bathrooms and did laundry until I went to bed.  I made sure to pack a bag of things to do while honey was at work…my Nintendo DS, a James Michener I’ve been creeping through for a year (while stopping to read shorter works), my bible, several images and my carving stuff to work on a letterbox series I want to finish by the end of the month.  That should keep me busy 😀

We drove two days one way (6+ hours each day) to stay three nights and then drive back.  I was sooooo pooped.  We were both surprised at what the trip took out of me.  I felt old.  And it sucked!  It was worth it, though.  We had lots of great talk time in the truck, grown up dinner dates and no kids down the hall at bedtime 🙂  It’s so great to leave behind all my daily grind and get to reconnect with my love. 

So I ran away from my problems, so to speak.  It works for me.  I put off starting school with K for a week, missed the whole three day drama of Freshman Transition and didn’t have to smell the dog or look at overdue cleaning jobs all day.  I carved three of my 9-box series (3 were already done, so I’m getting excited).  I didn’t read any Michener, but I did read James 🙂  I didn’t come any closer to beating Tetris again (I did it years ago on the original Nintendo). And I got to decide not to think about some things today, and put them off for tomorrow.  (Miss Scarlett taught me well.)  It was nice.  And it made me want to elope with my honey.  When we got married we were so young and naive and free.  We could’ve lived on love alone (and did at times – that and a few potatoes!)  And so I guess my brain remembers that enough to desire that whole emotional high once again.  We sort of eloped, I suppose…since, technically we’re already married! 

The moral of this story?  Run away!  Take your baby and run far, far, away and pretend that there’s nothing else – at least once in awhile.  It’ll be good for all involved 🙂  Drive and drive until you’re too tired to remember your responsibilites and too weak to care whether you’re missing emails or phonecalls.

Yes, my honey had to work all day, every day we were there.  But I’d do it again, anyway, ’cause it was worth it.  I’m rested up now and back to normal, I think.  Maybe my brain is still a little loopy…

I did get to find one letterbox on the trip.  I’ll try and load the cool pics once I get them off the phone 🙂

Off to watch the Olympics – I’ve been told repeatedly that I’m missing them!